Confessions of a Wannabe Rockstar

Why is it that when people find out you play guitar, they expect that you’re available to jam even though they know you have obligations to other players? What’s worse is when the “old guys” you use to play with want to start playing with you again and they have no idea you’ve been playing with other people. Haha, wannabe rockstar drama.

Well, I believe my “uninspired” phase is over (see previous entry). I normally go through these phases at least twice a year. It’s like I get writers block for about a month or two and I can’t come up with anything on guitar. I still want to play more golf.

Anyway, I’ll get back to the story. A guy at work came up to me tonight and decides to tell me that he and his wife split up, so now that he’s got free time on his hands, he wants to come over and play guitar. I really don’t mind because he’s a pretty cool guy and I'm sorry about his marriage situation, it’s just that I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME. I work 3rd shift people and my days off are precious to me. If I’m playing music with people, it’s going to be the TALENTED guys I’ve been playing with and writing with for the past couple of months. Hell, it’s been hard for us to find the time to have a full jam session; fucking drummers (I hope Matt doesn’t read this, ha!). Let me check my calendar buddy and I’ll get back to you.

Now comes the interesting part of this awful use of web space. The “old guys” I USED to play with. They’re not actually old, just kinda not my style. We were never a band per se, I looked at it as a “get high and just play some random shit jam”. That’s all they were, jam sessions. Nobody tried to write any lyrics (including me), nobody (besides me) would write any new music. Even when I brought up new ideas, they either couldn’t play it or would learn it and forget it the next time we played. We rarely had a bass player (the drummer plays so much better with a bass player). The other guitarist is a manic depressive who is a decent guitarist but plays ‘80s style butt-metal thru his Squire Strat hair metal guitar thru his P.O.S. solid state Peavey amp. He’s really a good guy but our styles did not mesh, at all. It was always a battle for volume control too. He could never play at normal levels, mainly because his amp sucked and he had to crank it to compete with mine, tone wise. I consider the drummer a great friend. He’s the type that will do anything for anybody. Not the best drummer in the world, but if he actually practiced on a normal basis, he wouldn’t be half bad. Oh yeah, we never ever had a fucking singer, ever. But they want to start a band and jam and shit. I’m not sure I see that happening. Which brings me to the climax of this post.

He (the drummer) happened to call me the other night, one of my free nights with nothing to do. I was hoping he wanted to go hit some golf balls, because I’ve been doing some swing training at the house and was looking forward to smash the shit out of little white balls. Hell no, he wanted to jam. You see we haven’t played together in months because I moved, he moved and the other guitarist had one of his bouts with depression. Did I mention that I’ve also been playing music with other people? So I figure what the hell? I haven’t had to carry my 82lb. amp and stuff it in my 2 door Honda Civic in a while, it might do me some good. So we jam, it’s sloppy but it was fun. I figure I’d drink a couple more beers and leave and that’d be it. Well, Mr. Drummer gets kind of emotional when narcotics are involved and tells me that Mr. Depressive wants to start playing on a normal basis again. He then proceeds to yap on and on about how he’s loves jamming with me and hope that we do it forever. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’ve been playing with other people and that we are serious about starting a serious band. I know it’ll break his heart that I’ve found someone else, but Jesus Christ, why do I have to be a douchebag and not tell him right then and there about my future musical ambitions. It kind of feels like I’m cheating on a girlfriend and trying to find the right time to tell them you are going to break up with them. Just another side note: some other stoned/drunk dude was over there watching us and starts talking about bringing over his cousin to jam with us too. Everybody wants to be a musician.

I’m sure it’ll all turn out ok; I just don’t want to lose a friend over the whole ordeal. It’s not like I’m getting gigs or I have major labels knocking on my door. And it’s not like I’m going to stop talking to the dude. Why should I even worry about how he’s going to react? Well, they’ll find out soon enough.

Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.